


Notebooks full of you

by Clairianne



Category: Persona 2, Persona 2: Innocent Sin, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Big Sister Maya, Eikichi is his perfect self, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, I tried to write it as kinda soulmates, Jun and Tatsuya needs hug, Jun is a sweetheart, Light Angst, M/M, Or More Like, Secret Santa 2020, Soulmates, Tatsuya doesn't understand feelings, Why there is no innocent sin tag????, and Lisa is wonderful, marry christmas Nani!, so they hug each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28313409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clairianne/pseuds/Clairianne
Summary: Tatsuya Suou was seven when he met his first and real best friend.He was twelve when he lost him for the first time, and eighteen when he found him again.--Written for PersonaPL Discord Secret Santa 2020 for dear Nani.
Relationships: Kurosu Jun/Suou Tatsuya, background Maya Amano/Katsuya Suou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Notebooks full of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SernaJ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SernaJ/gifts).



**Tatsuya Suou was seven when he met his first and real best friend.**

It was a beautiful, sunny Saturday in the middle of summer, and most of the city decided to go outside to warm themselves before the rainy season. 

Tatsuya, he was hiding. Squished between an old, wooden statue and squarely cut bush, he held a position strategically out of sight from the path leading to the Alaya Shrine he encountered during his escape. He watched cautiosly, but beaming with pride how his brother Katsuya unsuccessfully searched for him, passing his hideout a few times. 

Finally, after asking strolling people about his younger brother, he gave up, leaving Tatsuya alone.

He left his hideout victorious, happy to finally have a peaceful moment without his annoying, older brother, who was supposed to keep an eye out of him for the summer break. Tatsuya was seven, though, and he was sure it was old enough to be able to take care of himself just right. 

As he dusted off his knees, Tatsuya noticed the smaller boy looking at him with awe from the shrine steps. 

“That was a really nice spot,” the boy said, voice bright, and Tatsuya couldn’t keep the smile from of his face. “My name is Jun. Do you want to play with me?” 

Tatsuya agreed happily, excited for the new acquaintance he met so fast. The thought of his annoying, older brother and their pursuit long forgotten, he ran after Jun and momentally started talking about all the things they could do together. Soon, Jun’s other friends joined their play, and just like that, they became fast friends. 

They spend the entire afternoon hunting bugs and talking, not even noticing how the sun slowly disappeared behind the horizon enough for them to be forced to come back home. Tatsuya with giddiness realised that him and Jun-kun were going the same way, and they agreed to meet the next day. 

Even the preach he got at home for running away from his brother wasn’t enough to erase the smile from his face.

After that day, Tatsuya and Jun-kun became inseparable. They met every day, often to play with their other friends, but just as frequently only the two of them, just to have their own journeys. They shared all the secrets and dreams together, exploring the neighbourhood and dreaming of the future, becoming world famous researchers or astronauts or firefighters.

The only thing in their dreams being always present was them, together.

Everyone who encountered the duo always mentioned how different, yet so compatible they were. “You are like the two sides of the same coin,” Eikichi once said, when they were lying on the grass. It made Jun blush, and Tatsuya grin happily.

"Like twins!" added Lisa. 

“Tatsuya-kun and Jun-kun are really like twins,” Maya-san agreed, looking at them, thoughtful. “Like polar opposites, but drawn to each other just the same.”

“As long as it’s Jun-kun I am so similar to, I’m happy,” Tatsuya replied, getting a half hearted nudge in the ribs from his best friend.    
  
  
  


**Tatsuya Suou was nine when he first encountered the problem he couldn’t solve.**

It was the middle of the autumn, and he caught a serious cold. He couldn’t move from his bedroom for a week, starting to even miss the school, but definitely missing his best friend and his gang. In two years, they became almost joined by the hip, spending all weekends and holidays together playing. 

When he finally was feeling good enough to get back to school, his mother allowed Jun-kun to visit. 

They spent the entire afternoon talking, Tatsuya wanting to know what he missed that previous days. Jun-kun told him everything, but his usually cheerful voice was muted, and his dark eyes stared at the floor more than anything else. 

The closer to his return home it was, the sadder and scared he was. 

Finally, when he was almost leaving, his Jun-kun looked at him with sad, big eyes.

“I’m scared to go home,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “My parents are arguing almost all the time now, and I think…” his big eyes get glazed with tears. “I think my mum stopped loving me… She started to shout at me, too, and I don’t know what I did wrong, I am so scared and sad, Tacchi…” 

Tatsuya felt how his heart tightened with sadness and helplessness, just how it did last spring his old dog died, and his father had to bury him in the backyard. He hugged his best friend, feeling how his slender arms tightened around him, and thought about how little anyone his size and age could do in a situation like that. He hugged his best friend, telling him everything would be alright, the only constant thought desperately wanting to shield the younger boy from everything bad in this world. 

That evening, he asked his mother for advice, but she just looked at him sadly and patted him on the head. 

“Adults just argue sometimes, that’s normal. We cannot interfere, as it is their business… but i am sure it won’t be long till they reconcile.” 

Years later, when he watched his best friend leave him for good, he reminded himself of his mother’s words, and wondered how false adult’s words can be sometimes. 

  
  


**Tatsuya Souo was 12 when his heart broke for the first time.**

It was summer, and just a few days before was his birthdays. 

Before the summer break, the group didn’t have enough time to meet often, but just as summer started, they started to meet together at the shrine again, even if big sis Maya didn’t visit as often as before. 

Tatsuya had a small birthday party near the shrine with his closest friends, sharing cookies and laughing at the always preminiet bickering between Lisa and Eikichi. It was a good day, because Tatsuya could choose any game he wanted, without being forced to draw loses with always cheating Lisa. Jun-kun was more clingy than usual, not leaving Tatsuya alone even for a moment. 

Not that he minded; being close to his best friend was always the best part of every play date. 

When both of them were making their way home, they deviated from their usual path and sat on their favorite, short wall facing the view of the ocean.

“I have a small present for you,” said Jun-kun after a short moment. “I didn’t know when would be the best time to give you this. Happy birthday, Tacchi.” he pulled out a small package covered in brown paper and put it on Tatsuya’s knees.

Inside it, there was a thick notebook in a hard cover, with a beautiful, red motorcycle on it.

“I know you like motorcycles,” Jun-kun laughed, looking at how surprised his friend was. “I thought that sometimes, we want to say something to each other, but can’t meet or see each other at school, so I came up with the idea that I’ll give you this. Whenever there will be something you want to share with me, just write that down. When we meet after that, you can show me what that was, so you won’t forget!” 

Tatsuya smiled widely, amazed at the brilliance of the idea. He hugged his friend tightly, making him giggle, and just after coming home, he wrote one sentence, giddy at the thought of one day showing it to his best friend. 

“Jun-kun is my best friend forever and I want to spend my entire life with him.”

Few days later, he wished he would never write that, feeling as he cursed his own life. 

It was almost the end of the summer, with chilling wind blowing from the sea and sun setting too fast for anyone’s liking. Tatsuya was exhausted walking down the street towards Jun-kun’s house. The younger boy was those past days very quiet, pensive, and Tatsuya tried everything which usually cheered him up, but this time, nothing. 

“Tacchi…” he started when they were standing next to Jun-kun’s gate, his voice deep with sadness. “I didn’t tell you before, but… I’m leaving tomorrow. For good.' 

The silence stretched between them like a cold breeze. 

“What do you mean?” Tatsuya’s voice sounded like an untuned string. He felt cold all around, and for a moment, he thought he would suffocate. 

“Mother got long term work in France and doesn’t want to even hear about me staying here… with dad. I… I’m sorry I… I didn’t want you to get mad at me, but… I couldn’t tell you before... I want to stay here with you forever but my mother got so mad when I tried to talk with her about it... I don’t want to go and I’m scared but I can’t do anything about." the younger boy’s eyes shone with tears. 

Tatsuya stood there without a move, only blinking. His mind was oddly blank. What could he say to that? 

The tightness around his heart worsened with every breath.

“Please Tacchi, say something,” Jun-kun looked even younger than usual sobbing, but Tatsuya’s body didn’t know what to do. "I… okay. I’m gonna go now… Farewell, Tacchi,” at the last moment, Jun squeezed Tatsyua’s hand and ran away towards his home, leaving his best friend, shocked. 

And he stood there for a long time, transfixed, listening to his best friend’s fading sobs, being so, so alone.

When he came back, his head and heart were throbbing, and oddly empty. He pulled out his motorbike notebook and wrote another short sentence.

“I wish I run after you and say my goodbyes, Jun-kun.”

His mother hugged him tightly, saying stuff about the loss and how its normal for human to feel that way.

After that evening, nothing was interesting enough to talk or laugh about. 

After that, Tatsuya’s heart stayed empty for a long, long time. 

  
  


**Tatsuya Suou was 16, when he first thought that’s there’s something really wrong about him.**

There were things before he knew weren't ordinary, but he chose them to be that way. Yes, he may have skipped school more times than his peers. Maybe he preferred being alone and kept quiet almost all the time, not speaking one word for days. Maybe he was perceived as a school hooligan, and he didn't care about it enough to try and correct anyone about this subject, instead putting all his energy into saving enough money to buy himself a motorcycle. 

Maybe he heard time and time again that he has no emotions and his “I don’t care”-ism was annoying and off putting. 

Maybe he kept a full drawer of written down notebooks from all the years he hadn’t heard a word from his best friend and didn’t feel a reason to stop anytime soon. 

All those things, he chose by himself. He liked not paying attention to other people, liked getting odd stares and seeing how confused people looked when attacked, he just went away. He liked having his own world, having the only contact with people as ignoring his family and staying close to the two of his only friends, sometimes adding Maya-san. 

Tatsuya liked his life, how grim and boring wouldn’t it look from the outside.

One day, it changed. 

“Please, just take it.”

It was Friday in the afternoon at the beginning of February. He was minding his own business outside of school, preparing for another sermon from his family, when he noticed Lisa, heading towards him with a fierce look on her pretty face. 

Tatsuya looked at her, not entirely sure what that was all about. It was cold; he wanted to go home.

He took the letter, and opened it, and immediately regretted it.

“I know you’re a daft one, but I am sure you know how I feel about you,” Lisa said, as if narrating the words put into paper. Tatsuya came to the disturbing conclusion that yes, he really should have expected that situation, especially lately, seeing how Lisa’s best friends always giggled when he appeared in the close distance to them. 

He really, truly didn't want to be there. 

“So, will you go out with me?”

First time in a long, long time, Tatsuya really wished he didn’t have to open his mouth. He wanted to pretend that it wasn’t happening. 

“So?” even with the stubborn look on her face, Lisa looked nervous. Tatsuya really didn’t want to be the receiving end of it.

Feeling like he had to reply with something, he blurted out, feeling strangely calm.

“Um… no. Sorry.”

For a split second, Tatsuya feared Lisa would cry. Fortunately for him, she was more mature than that. She straightened up and nodded.

“I thought this much, but I had to try. I just... “ she sighed, fixing her bangs covered in soft snow. “I just wished you would stop living in the past, but I see it’s too much for you to ask. See you on Monday, Chinyan.” 

More lost than before, pensive, Tatsuya looked at leaving Lisa. It was impossible not to notice how hard she pushed passed Eikichi, who laughed at the sight of her.

“I can see you finally dumped her,” Eikichi commented when both of them started to make their way towards the school gate. “Good for you, man. Maybe most of the school wants to be with her, but me and you know best, how crazy that girl is.” 

Tatsuya stayed silent all the way, deep into thoughts. Maybe he should try and go out with Lisa, and try.

But his heart stayed silent; no pang of remorse or sadness over lost opportunity to go out with a girl who liked him this much. 

Never before had he thought about girls, or dating. Nothing in it was compelling to him, so why bother?

When he finally came home, he was tired and bothered. He put out his current notebook, and wanting to clear his head, he wrote:

“Today, Lisa-chan asked me out. I declined. I feel there’s something seriously wrong with me.” 

**Tatsuya Suou was 18 when he fell in love for the first time.**

By a miracle, he was able to finish high school, he also had enough money to finally buy himself a motorcycle. It was red and fast and put him forever into a place of rebellious hooligan with troubled past (he hadn’t said anyone about his plans of becoming a detective, though; he was definitely more happy about the reputation, as it helped with not having to talk with anyone). He spent almost all his free time working on him or driving around the city. 

It was the middle of the summer; too soon to start looking for university, but not early enough to lie in bed all day and complain about being tired after another year full of work.

That’s why he was spending the summer day on his way for a meeting with his gang; there was a point when even he couldn’t refuse anymore. For some time, they had  _ a band  _ (even if Tatsuya refused even humour Eikichi and agreing to play live one day), and it benefits the band when it has rehearsals (or so Eikichi was saying). The fact was, it was supposed to be the first gang meeting in months, where Maya was supposed to be present (even if Tatsuya saw her almost once a week, since she started to date his brother Katsuya a few months before). 

So Tatsyua drove, in the heat of the noon, wondering why everyone was so excited about the mere thought of seeing each other. They did it almost every day at school and their friendship was years after the point of being surprised by Tatsuya's unwillingness towards  _ meeting people  _ and _ talking _ .

He immediately changed the train of thoughts when he entered the small cafe where they usually met to see not only Maya, but another person accompanying Lisa and Eikichi.

The man was laughing at something Eikichi and Lisa bickered about, his dark hair bouncing with his every move. He was slender and tall, wearing light, blue clothes. Maya was holding his hand, smiling lightly, like you do for…

And old friend. 

“Ta-chan, look who’s here!” shouted Eikichi, forcing Tatsuya to finally move, and the boy sitting with them looking directly at him.

Oh, Tatsuya felt how his heart did a very painful flip, first time in years.

“Tacchi?” he heard, the whisper of a voice he knew better than his own still ringing in the much older version of it. 

“Jun-kun...” he whispered, somehow finding himself in front of his group of friends. The boy smiled widely, and Tatsuya, completely struck with the need of  _ touching him,  _ made another small step and pulled Jun in the tight embrace. 

He would never have thought that hugging someone could be so emotional. He felt like his throat was tight with something like tears, his heart beating fast. The boy was shorter than him, so he fitted nicely under Tatusya’s cheek, and held him so tight Tatsuya’s heart felt like it wanted to jump out of his ribcage. 

“I missed you so so much…” Tatsuya heard a whisper muffled by his own shirt. “So much.”

If it was even possible, the older boy hugged his lost best friend even harder.

“Okay, that’s enough of the emotions for one day,” they heard Eikichi saying, but Tatsuya couldn’t force himself to care much about it. He moved, though, and sat near his best friend, who, he noticed, had reddened eyes. 

Maya immediately took Jun’s hand in hers, and Eikichi started him question after question. Lisa, at the beginning, looked almost mad, but soon she joined in throwing questions, her beautiful face brightened with a smile. 

Tatsuya just looked at Jun-kun with his heart growing every minute. 

Jun told them about the time in France, how at first, his mother tried to assimilate him to the French waga and French city they lived in (Lisa didn’t like it) and tried to force him into her film industry, which ended sadly. He talked with a smile about the city and people in it, but the longing towards coming back was too much for him to stay.

“... after another argument with me shouting about hating her and her not wanting to have anything in common with me, we came to the agreement that I’m old enough to make my own choices, and with father’s permission, I decided to come back." he finished, and looked at Tatsuya, whose heart immediately reacted with another painful skip.

“So, you’re staying for good?” he asked, not trying to sound too hopeful.

Jun smiled.

“I guess I am.”

The idea of a rehearsal not even brought up, they made their way towards the Alaya Shrine. All of them sat on the old, wooden steps (even if they had to squish more than all those years ago and Jun-kun had to lean on Tatsuya’s knees to see Maya sitting next to him) and talked for hours about everything. 

Only Tatsuya stayed silent, thinking about the fact that he felt happy for the first time in years. He listened to his friends talking excitedly about everything in nothing, smiling and bickering and having a good time. Maya laughed with them, so grown up, having the life of her own, but still connected to them, a group of teenagers fastly approaching adulthood. 

And Jun, still grinning from ear to ear, leaning on Tatsuya’s knees like it was the most ordinary thing in the world, after all those years of not even one word between them. He came back, and took the place next to Tatsuya as it was nothing; like it was always waiting for him, and it was only his.

And Tatsuya, not even understanding it, felt that all of it was true, and right. It was Jun-kun’s place, nobody else’s. He had all the right to just come back and be here and Tatsuya… really was happy about it. Happy, and giddy, and so, so nervous that his heart made flip after flip every time Jun said something to him or just laughed his shy, happy laugh. 

And Jun grew up so much those six years, but was still his cute Jun-kun. Maybe Tatsuya was biased, but he looked at his best friend and couldn’t take his eyes off him. He was beautiful and perfect and so dreamlike with the sun behind him that Tatsuya realised that he finally understood what was so wrong about him when he was sixteen.

When the night was getting closer, and everyone went back home to sleep off the excitement of having their friend back, Tatsuya took Jun on his motorbike and they drove on the city streets, so carefree and happy. 

They stopped in front of Jun-kun’s gate, as similar but different as all those years ago, and sat on a sidewalk, just to stay together a little longer.

“I was scared to tell you I’m coming back,” whispered Jun into the warm night. “I was scared you wouldn’t want to see me after all those years…”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything those years ago… I wished I would say anything back then,” answered Tatsuya, looking at his friend. In the pale light of a moon, he was even more beautiful than before. 

“You were young, and I was always a coward. Back then at least I had a reason to be,” Jun’s smile was bitter, as he did something bad. Tatsuya put his hand on his friend’s arm, to then slip it into his palm. Jun squeezed it, his eyes watery again.

“But you’re here now. Will you stay?” Tatsuya felt as his heart tightened again, when those big, dark eyes looked at him with so many emotions he couldn’t name even half of them.

“i will, for good now.”

Next day, they met on their favorite bench with a view towards the sea. Tatsuya took all of his notebooks with him; with a surprise, he noticed that Jun brought as many of his own. 

When asked, he just laughed. 

“When I moved, I realised that I need to talk to you just as much; you were my only best friend for all of those years, even if just here,” he said, showing his notebooks, but also touching his own heart.

They spent the entire day together talking, as if Tatsuya just found his voice again. He talked and talked, answered questions and asked his own, trying to calm down his fast beating heart every time Jun touched him.

And his Jun-kun was doing it almost constantly. He put Tatsuya’s hair behind his ear, held his hand or touched his arm or cheek or knee. It was so natural for him that Tatsuya realised how almost anyone touched him, ever. 

And how much he liked when Jun-kun was doing it.

When he came home late, with crazy wind hair and burning cheeks, he found Maya preparing tea for Katsuya sitting at the table. They both looked at him with smiles; Maya’s with the motherly one, Katsuya with a knowing one. 

“I reckon you were seeing Jun-kun?” he asked from his newspaper, and Tatsuya really wanted to be back at his room and just be left alone.

“I am so happy for you, Ta-chan,” said Maya, sending a warning look towards her boyfriend, but her face immediately softened. “I saw how you and Jun missed each other; it’s just heartwarming to see you looking so alive again.” 

He left after that, not being strong enough to survive that talk with them. From his bag he pulled out all the notebooks he got from his best friend, and stayed up all night reading, finding himself with tears in his eyes more than he wanted to admit. 

He read all those pages written in beautiful cursive, so different from his bulky letters, but finding the same emotions he felt all those years. The sadness, unwillingness to blend in with others, but also the longing for the past days. He learned about his sad attempts at being an actor, but also everlasting love for the flowers and their language. 

He fell asleep early in the morning, exhausted with feeling so much after not being able to feel for so long.

The next time he saw his Jun-kun, he hugged him tightly and promised to never let go.

**Tatsuya Suou was 18 and a half when he did something about it.**

It was late april and the weather became warmer and warmer. Tatsuya was more than happy that he finally could use his motorbike more often. 

Him and Jun-kun, they became inseparable again, as much as they could. Jun came back to school, proudly taking his place next to Eikichi, Lisa not far away from them. 

Tatsuya, with his school and training, was doing everything he could to meet with them after classes, every day trying to find something interesting to do together.

Most day that not, he just took Jun-kun for the trip in the city, touring all the cafes and cinemas and sightseeing. He realised, almost positive that with reciprocity, that everything he did with Jun was nicer, and went way better. They even had homework meetings few days a week, even to learn together.

And Jun still touched him almost constantly, still smiled at him showing off his dimples and hugged him for good morning and goodbyes and Tatsuya was slowly losing his mind. 

He was so happy that sometimes he was scared it would vanish into the thin air every time his Jun-kun vanished from his eyes. Eikichi was teasing him constantly about it, but Tatsuya realised that it was so far away from the point of going back, that he couldn’t even do anything about it. 

Everything changed that late april’s day. They got caught up in the conversation about the flowers in the botanic garden, Jun-kun's talking with his mouth but also hands, so excited that Tatsuya couldn't keep his eyes off him. They hadn’t noticed the rain clouds approaching from the west soon enough. 

When they did, it was too late, and they found themselves running towards Jun-kun’s garden, completely drenched. 

They found some drier place under one of the biggest trees in the garden, giggling like crazy, trying to found their breaths and, at least some, drier clothes to wipe their faces. 

After a moment, laugh from Jun’s side stopped, and Tatsuya, curious, looked up from trying to scoop some hair from his face.

Jun stared at him silently, with dark, wide eyes. His lips were slightly open, so distinctive on the pale face.

He was so, so beautiful that Tatsuya…

“I love you so much, Tacchi…” Jun-kun whispered, looking at him like enchanted.

He didn’t even think about it, just put his both hands on his Jun-kun’s cheeks and leaned, joining their lips together.

Jun gasped, his hands embracing Tatsuya’s middle, and they stayed like that for a long moment, breathing each other’s air and basking in each other’s presence. 

When they came back to their senses, Jun was smiling his shy, happy smile, and Tatsuya couldn’t help but kiss him again, on both cheeks, nose and forehead, leaving his lips there a little longer.

“I always wanted for you to be my first kiss…” his Jun-kun whispered, his voice trembling.

“I love you too, my Jun-kun.” he replied, embracing him again.

They both stood under that tree for a long time just embrancing, trying to find the way around what just happened, happier than ever before. Just constantly smiling, Jun-kun refusing to let go of Tatsuya's hand.

Tatsuya fellt silly, and lighthearted. 

For once, he felt really happy. 

**Tatsuya was 18 and a half when he realised that we would never have to write anything more in his notebook; now, his best friend and the love of his life will always be next to him.**

**Author's Note:**

> Marry Christmas everyone! I'm super excited to show my first story for Persona/SMT fandom, especially that it's Secret Santa project I did for a friend! Hope she is as excited and happy about that story as I am!   
> It was suppose to be some kind of Soulmates/Childhood friends AU. For me, Jun and Tatsuya are mind connected in some way in every universe, also they deserve to be happy and together :)
> 
> Come and say hi: clairles.tumblr.com


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